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Monday, November 26, 2012

Goodbye, Varicose Veins!

I gained almost 80 pounds with my fourth bundle of joy. I had gained between 70 and 75 pounds with each of the first three. I became the human rubber band. 
With the finale baby, however, I got more than a bundle of joy at the end. I had a pregnancy souvenir known as varicose veins.
I remembered that my own mother had always worn slacks or long skirts, never shorts. I apparently come from a long line of vein exploders. 
I followed suit and stocked my closet with slacks and long skirts. Fearing that a full body wetsuit at the pool would bring great shame to my children, I opted for the oh, so fashionable sarong. 
If someone was cursed lucky enough to catch a glimpse of my leg, they would say, "OH, NO! What happened to your leg?" or the under 5 crowd would exclaim, "Is there a snake in your leg?"
When my moffice-mate, Jill, heard about my snake leg, she interrogated me about why, for the love of chocolate, had I not had them removed? 
I gave her my best arguments. I am a big ole scaredy cat of going to the doctor. (Remember the mammogram mafia?) It would cost me an arm and a leg (get it? a leg?). She played her trump card. Her husband happens to be a doctor and happens to do this exact procedure. She plotted an ambush and her husband shot down answered all of my questions.
Dr. Youse had me on the schedule before I could say "I am just too busy ironing my slacks."
Here is the process as it played out on my iphone. To distract myself, I took pictures and texted my pals updates. 

Text #1: Would it be wrong if I trim my toenails while I wait?



Text #2: Look! An IV of vodka!

Text #3: They gave me an Ativan. I don't think it's working.

Text #4: Get a good look at that beast because it is on it's way out!

Text #5: Jeremy (I mean "Dr. Youse") is using a sharpie on my leg. I'm getting the giggles and battling the urge to shout "Dr. Youse is in the house!"

Text #6: I think the Ativan is working.

Text #7: He is removing my veins and I am feeling groovy.

Text #8: They are so nice! I even got a hawt new pair of tights! 

Text #9: This is going to build up my street cred, huh?

JUST LOOK AT ME NOW!

TEXT #10: I'm showing my legs for the first time since "Friends" was a hit show.

Do not let the name of this procedure - Microstab Phlebectomy- scare you. The only regret that I have is that I did not do it sooner. For Christmas, I have asked for shorts.

To learn more about Dr. Youse, click here.
To learn more about Christie Clinic, click here.
To learn more about Dr. Youse and his lovely and persuasive wife, click here.

Link Par-taay at:
http://www.livelaughrowe.com
http://myuncommonsliceofsuburbia.com/

32 comments:

  1. We're going to need to talk about this. I have some killer veins. But mine hurt. Did yours hurt? Will this fine doctor travel to Cincinnati? Or better yet - will you be my host family?

    PS - your legs look AMAZING

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    1. AND! Thank you for the PicMonkey tips- I am now addicted!

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  2. Not only did I go for it because of cosmetic reasons, but also because they were so painful! I'll ask Dr. Youse if he could make a house call for you. ROAD TRIP!
    Have you had yours looked at? It really is no biggie.

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  3. Wow girl! You go with your leggy self.

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    1. HAHAHA! No more snake leg!
      I loved your cousin's Thanksgiving post, btw!

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  4. Yay You! Love that you're taking care of YOU! I hope you get 10,000 pairs of daisy dukes for Christmas. xo

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    1. HAHAHA! Daisy Dukes might be a bit much, but I feel like a new woman! Shorts, here I come!
      Thanks, Kim!

      Delete
  5. I simply cannot imagine you gaining 80 pounds and popping back down to the size you are now. And what the F*** do you have your Christmas tree up and decorated already for????????

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    1. This was taken at a friend's house! My house has ZERO Christmas decor!
      I had 4 kiddos back to back so it was like a circus show of weight gain/loss!

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    2. Oh yeah, I was feeling jealous looking at your now beautiful legs beside a fully decorated Christmas tree...I haven't even taken down Thanksgiving decorations yet! Your white thigh highs remind me of the 1980's trend of wearing white panty hose with dresses...or was that only in the South? My husband has "snakes" on his legs too...does insurance cover the procedure?

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  6. Congrats on the new gams! I had both my legs done from feet to mid-thigh (including laser-zapping the deep veins in the legs). Took three visits but they serve such great cocktails at that party that I didn't mind going back! It's wonderful to be able to wear shorts again in the summer. Tragically, I wasn't able to convince my surgeoun (in Denison, TX) to do something about the cellulite while he was at it.

    Note to Miss Kitty: My insurance covered mine (after a convincing letter from the surgeon to the insurance company) because my circulation was so impaired by the time I did something about it that I was at risk of developing what's called "stasis ulcers" in my ankles. My legs were truly hideous!

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    1. Three visits? Yikes! The Ativan cocktail certainly helped!
      I don't understand why some insurance companies don't cover it- they are painful and can be dangerous!

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  7. I so wanna have this done! But I suspect my lousy insurance wouldn't pay for it. hmm Maybe you can pass on your slacks :)

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    1. You can have my slacks, fo' shizzle! Maybe your dr could make an insurance plea, especially if they are painful or pose other health risks?
      Thanks, Shanna!

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  8. Good job! And now, it's settled. I'm definitely not having the fourth.

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    1. GO FOR IT! An even number is a beautiful thing!

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  9. Hi Kerry!!!

    That's great!! Your legs look amazing and if I may say so, so do you!!!
    I hope you get a few kinky little outfits from the mister...Maybe a bikini!!

    Pam
    xox

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, Pam!
      A bikini!?!? I would stroke out, showing that much skin.

      Delete
  10. Hot mama alert. WOOT WOOT! Congratulations of waving goodbye to snake leg! I'm so happy you did something for YOU.

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    1. Woot! Woot! I feel so naked showing my legs! It opens up a whole new wardrobe for me!
      Thanks, funny one!

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  11. Well done you brave girl !! And hey your rocking' those nearly new pins !! Fab post! You made me laugh before breakfast, have a great day and enjoy showing off those lovely legs ! X

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    1. Ha! Thank you so much! I was so nervous for nuttin'!

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  12. You are brave! I don't have this issue yet.Surprised I don't at my age.But when I do I may be brave and take care of it!
    xx
    Anne

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    1. I bet that you won't get them, lucky girl. My sisters dodged the varicose bullet.
      I don't know why I waited so long!
      Thanks, Anne.

      Delete
  13. This is a vein and vascular center that has multiple locations. They are located in near PHOENIX, ARIZONA, USA. Office locations are, Surprise, Arizona, USA, - Goodyear, Arizona USA, Chandler, Arizona USA and Gilbert , Arizona USA. These cities surround Phoenix, so we want to focus on each city and about a 20 mile radius around each one as well as Phoenix itself since it is in the center of all these cities.

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  14. OMG! I did this too!! Pretty sure Dr. Mengele was my physician. LOVED the compression stockings and the ace bandages. Very sexy look. But my legs look great though. Beauty is pain right? Right? Sigh

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    1. DR. MENGELE! NOOOOO! Compression stockings are all kinds of sexy, huh? Thanks, Jessica!

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  15. PS: SOP comment from Norine. Jessica has GREAT legs. No "extra" work required.

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    1. I love you two! What a great pair you are! Loved the live interview with BBB!

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  16. You are really a brave girl who shared this information very easily with us. It's very nice to read your full story about varicose treatment. Did you feel any pain during treatment? I am worried about the pain which occur during the treatment and currently using only home remedies to cure varicose vein shared in this article http://www.findhomeremedy.com/home-remedies-for-varicose-veins/

    ReplyDelete

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