House TalkN is a fun lookiloo at houses, houses, houses. It will answer pressing questions like, "When folks build a McMansion on a small lot, what are they compensating for?" or "Was the real estate agent drunk when they staged this house?" or "Why don't the Smiths' ever leave their drapes open when I am on a harmless walk-by?"

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Sup With That, Lesbians?

Years ago, I went to hear David Sedaris perform a reading. I was overjoyed that he was also meeting and greeting his fans. 
As I waited in line with my gal pal, I was repeating in my head, "Be witty, be engaging, do.not.act.like.idiot."
When it was finally my turn to wow him with my wit, you won't be shocked to hear that I acted like an idiot. 

DS: Where are you from?
Idiot: Uh...Illinois. (Pointing to my gal pal) My girlfriend and I live in Illinois. 
When I saw her look of confusion, I tried to clarify.
Idiot: Oh, wait! She's not my "girlfriend," she's my girl friend. NOT THAT THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT!
DS: Who should I sign the book to?
Idiot: Let me just go back to the girlfriend thing. I would totally be her girlfriend if we were lesbians. Although, I don't think she is my type. Wait...what?
DS: Thank you for coming. (Code for "move your crazy a** along!")
I couldn't even enjoy the reading because I was too busy rehashing my DS fail to everyone around me. They kept shushing me and rolling their eyes. Whatevs. 
I was particularly upset because my gal pal/girlfriend/girl friend said, "You are obviously not a lesbian."
Wait, what? I could totally be a lesbian! 
I am In The Powder Room today asking the tough lesbian questions. Meet me there and for the love of chocolate, answer my lesbian questions.

13 comments:

  1. Glorious. Seinfeld-level awkwardness.

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  2. So, does me goosing your behind the first time we met IRL not count? Because I was hoping that meant we were going steady. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

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    1. THAT TOTALLY COUNTS! Whew, I am feeling so much better. Check "yes" or "no" if we are still a couple.

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  3. I cannot stop laughing. I'd be so much worse. Let's meet him together next time he's in town. It will be so horrible. We can film it.

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    1. Thank goodness there is no video documentation of this fiasco! Thanks, Nicoletta!

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    2. Fantastically funny Yep Sienfeld worthy !! I can't stop giggling ...love real peeps like U xx

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  4. Love DS, bummer about your lesbian blunder. And the chairs are awesome. I've GOT to get me some of that paint.

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    1. "Bummer about your lesbian blunder" cracked me up. It goes on the list of "Things you thought you'd never need to say."
      I think you will love the AS paint- easy peasy!
      Thanks, Adrienn!

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  5. LOL, that is hilarious! I needed a morning pick-me-up, thanks! I also love David Sedaris...

    One time I sat behind Andrew Solomon at a Moth storytelling event and had a similar moronic encounter. Then I stalked him on Twitter but he ignored me. LMAO

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    1. I've been too chicken to stalk DS on twitter. Morons unite!

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  6. I would happily put who i am but as i dont have a damn clue wot url is or any of the other apps ... i've had to post as anonymous... i am Katerina Stepovikov in Sydney Australia ....the only thing i understand is FB and gmail AND the beauty of your CHAIRS !!! WOW ...We have just recieved Annie Sloan paint in Oz land !! 2 years ago i kept sendin' the lovely Annie woman REALLY long raves about how we NEEDED her products here !! and no, I'm not a lesbian hahhhaahaha xxx

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    1. Hilarious! 2 years ago, I was overwhelmed by all the URL, RSS, OMG! Thank you for popping by and battling the www, Katerina!

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