House TalkN is a fun lookiloo at houses, houses, houses. It will answer pressing questions like, "When folks build a McMansion on a small lot, what are they compensating for?" or "Was the real estate agent drunk when they staged this house?" or "Why don't the Smiths' ever leave their drapes open when I am on a harmless walk-by?"

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Conference NO-NO's!


Last summer, I attended my first blogging conference, Haven 2012.
I left for the conference, repeating my mantra, "DO NOT EMBARRASS SELF...DO NOT EMBARRASS SELF!"
I was mostly successful...except for that unfortunate breastfeeding situation. 
This week, I am attending the BlogHer Conference in Chicago.
I thought it might help to make a NO-NO list. 
Lists can be very helpful in times of stress. They can keep us focused and act as reminders of our goals. 
My goal? DO.NOT.EMBARRASS.SELF.
1. Do not run and jump into the arms of bloggers that I admire. I am 6 ft tall and might injure the less agile of the group.
2. Do not lick, sniff or feel up said bloggers. I am a tactile person, ok?
3. Do not use profanity. This is tempting because I spend a lot of time with children- years of f-bombs have built up, just waiting to spill out.
4. Do not talk too loudly. Not only am I deaf in one ear, which makes me unaware of my volume, but I also grew up in a large, rowdy family where if you wanted to be heard, you had to shout. Not appropriate for conference schmoozing, I'm guessing.
5. Do not tell dirty jokes. I love dirty jokes but I can tell by the heavy sighing and eye-rolling that some folks do not appreciate vagina jokes.
6. Do not badmouth chevron, spray paint or thrift stores in front of the DIY crowd. House bloggers love that shit stuff and would run me right out of the conference.
7. Do not sing. I am the worst singer on the planet and 9-1-1 would be called.
8. Do not dirty dance. No one needs to see a 41 year old blogger humping a horrified Pioneer Woman!
9. Do not ramble. I'm a nervous talker and when I don't know what else to do, I ramble. Before I know it, I hear myself saying "And, then came the 80's...I like big hair and blue eyeshadow...don't you wish they would come back in style? What say we go back to my room and give each other makeovers?"
10. No hillbilly speak. I have an alter ego, Loretta MayJoe. When I am either nervous and/or vlogging, she takes over. Please, Lawd, save me from Loretta MayJoe. 
If you are also attending BlogHer and you happen to witness any rule breaking, feel free to slap me hard across the face and shout "GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF, WOMAN!" 
In the meantime, I will be hiding in my powder room practicing my appropriate greetings, comments and body language.
I will watch and re-watch "How To Be A Better Blogger!"

Good blogger body language:

Bad blogger body language:

18 comments:

  1. What about the Humpty Dance? Can we do that? Heading into my pedi or the big event and I am ABOUT TO JUMP OUT OF MY SKIN!!! Can't wait to be tackled by ya. I'm strong. I can handle it.

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    1. You know I love the Humpty!!!! Gonna hug you hard, guuurl!

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  2. Sorry, I won't be there, but where would all the fun be if you behave? I'd love to meet Loretta!

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    1. Loretta May will be waiting to meet you! I wish you were coming!

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  3. This is my favorite kind of blogHer attendee. The others creep me out. (i'm one of the other ones)

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    1. Here's hoping I don't creep everyone out!

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  4. I promise to cause a distraction on the other side of the room then let's meet at the back and be ridiculous together. Practicing keeping my paws down now. But if you see a small pony-tailed running towards you, don't run, just scoop her up and put her in your pocket. I hear she's friendly. Can't wait to meet you, Erin

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    1. I'll bring my baby Bjorne to carry you around in!

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  5. Great post. Loved these tips & I agree whole-heartedly. However, I think I STILL come off as a creeper to some of my blog heroes. I just say to myself: HOLD BACK . . . HOLD BACK . . . PLAY IT COOL! I'm hoping to meet you one day in person. I'll be the one wearing chevron with a can of spray paint in my hand. Ha ha.

    Warmly, Michelle

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    1. MICHELLE! When, oh when, will we meet?!???

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  6. Now I cannot wait to meet you in the flesh. You might be more entertaining than anything at the conference!

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  7. Oh my Gawd....if only I was a blogger, I would go to that conference and be ready for you when you attacked!! Hah! I LOVE your blogs and they always put a smile on my face. Still wish I was your neighbor ;0)

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    1. Won't you be my neighbor? Thanks, Lady J!

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  8. "Do not bad mouth chevron" you are hilarious and I SO wish I was going to be there to see you.

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  9. I am so very disappointed. I clicked on the Pioneer Woman's link expecting to see Ree being tackled...and got a recipe. That was a letdown. (get it?) Anyways, I laughed my butt off and completely get your bfing ptsd. I nursed 3 for over 6 years. I think...it's really all a blur.

    But really...you are too funny and I'm following you. ** Did you know International Breastfeeding Week is August 1-7th? You should share that old post! ;)

    ~Honey

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    1. Good to know! I am actually doing a for real bf'ing post that week!

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